Outfitted for Showing

My upcoming show is not my first goat-rodeo. I have been lucky to take many horses around hunter, jumper, and equitation classes from age 12 onward. The majority of this was done in my early teens, with the financial and emotional willingness waning a bit as I aged.

I cherish the memories wearing wool coats in 100 degree heat. I still remember the tension of reaching to the bottom of a garment bag and not being able to find the matching ratcatcher. I was a bit of a loose-brained child (not much changed) so this happened… frequently….

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I’ve actually recently shown with wool coats. Still not cool, despite graduating high school!

But times are changed. Now we wash our huntcoats. And our collars come attached. And some even wear feathers in their hair (which I am so much a fan of, I love tradition as much as the next person, but c’mon, we are also here to have fun).

Unfortunately, when I detailed my showing attire to my current trainer, which includes 1) Navy disco KEP helmet 2) Navy blue gloves 3) Grey technical fabric coat with somewhat odd embroidery (never worn, bought used) 4) Beige Tailored Sportman’s bought in the 90’s with “saggy butt” fit. No one was terribly impressed with this lineup.

It was time for a small update. The KEP helmet must stay, mostly because I caused an internal hemorrhage by buying it in my university days, and while it does not totally match my down-to-earth mantra I still love it.

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Pry this KEP helmet from my cold, dead hands.

I have picked up a nice, respectable used RJ Classics Navy Coat. I tried so despearately to squeeze into an XS Kerrit’s coat that was only $50, but not surprisingly, it did not fit the way a hunt coat should (thank you saddle shop worker for talking sense into me).

Yes, this sums up my experience with the XS Kerrit’s coat.

Next I may pick up the Trauma Void helmet. Also considering a velvet Charles Owen. Will open that one to the crowd as to what they think is best (assuming everything fits safely, of course, which they both do).

My one item that probably does not need replacing is my show shirt, which I bought recently on sale. Phew. Now I am not a complete disaster.

That leaves one item – saggy butt beige Tailored Sportsman’s, actually bought in the 90’s. I have a really hard time replacing these, mostly because when I am riding, they look perfectly normal. It’s only when I get off that they look like parachute pants.

Especially since this will only be a schooling show… we will see.

The Plan

Tomorrow I ride for the first time in a week and a half now. It is so good to be getting back in the saddle, and I now have some more news to look forward to.

Horse show in March!

Hilariously, I do not have any respectable show clothes that I can wear in the divisions I will be riding in. My European-inspired jumper flair is not going to work for Adult Hunters and Equitation. So, the hunt begins for new clothes that won’t make my trainer gag when I step into the ring.

How my current trainer sees my bedazzled KEP helmet…

But this also presents something tangible for us, a goal!

Now all our work will lead up to time in the show ring. Cheers to wearing my tall boots again!

5 Items to Lust Over

As long as there have been horses, there has been shit to buy for yourself and your horses.

It’s an excellent business to be in, because horse people are certifiably crazy, and make questionable financial decisions. Add a bunch of not necessary but cool accessories to the mix, and there is no retirement plan in sight.

I kid but only a little bit.

I say all of this lovingly, as I am very much part of the problem. I love things, I cannot afford things, but that does not keep me from scrolling longingly through pages of SmartPak, Riding Warehouse, Dover, etc.

To fulfill the addiction hobby of online browsing, I have a list of “if I stumble upon a significant sum of money” completely frivolous buys.

Some of them are not even expensive, but I know I do not need them.

Without futher ado, here they are (Santa, you listening?) –

1. Brown Half Chaps and Paddock Boots

A pair of Tredsteps will do. Of course, I have had my current Paddock boots for 10 years now, so I am sure someone will have to rip the Ariats from my cold, dead hands.

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2. Trauma Void EQ3 MIPS Safety Helmet

One of those things you care more about as you age is the safety of your noggin. I would love one in Brown please.

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3. Leather Halter

For a horse I don’t have, but JUST IN CASE.11624_havana_left.jpg

4. Quilted TS Clarino Belt

I pretty much always need a belt (Is this a me-thing? Am I just an oddball size of tremendous butt and small waist?). More important than my caboose is this belt, because it’s on sale.

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5. One of those glove-curries

I look at this product, and I think – why the heck haven’t we, as a community, thought of this sooner? I mean it’s so obvious, but also so much better than using an actual curry. Genius.

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I think my million dollar idea is to market a left-hand for all of us out there trying to strengthen our non-dominant side (she sheepishly suggests).

Okay, these are all in the ballpark of reasonable. So what are you all lusting for, realistic or not? Most un-afforable wins!

 

Oh, you…. Buying “Maty-Kate’s Equestrian Boots”

So I read US Magazine every once in a while (hush, I know it rots my brain). In between the divorce, hookups, and ball gowns, a headline caught my eye.

We Found Equestrian Boots Like Mary-Kate Olsen’s That Have Over 3,000 Reviews

It has this accompanying photo –

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Matt Agudo/INSTARimages.com (as per US Magazine article)

This article is hilarious for a number of reasons.

  1. Even if you aren’t a horse person, the photo of Mary Kate is not exactly the best shot of her tall boots. Like, head on? This will become important later.
  2. “Equestrian boots”. I get it, because you think tennis shoes or hiking boots is a normal phrase. But Equestrian boots feels like how my boss might try to describe “that weird sport I do” while introducing me to a new employee.
  3. The article quotes, “With A-listers like Mary-Kate Olsen flaunting the look, it’s only right we follow suit.” When did Mary-Kate Olsen become the embodiment for all behavior? I love Full House as much as the next person, but I don’t know about this new world order here.
  4. The actual boots that they suggest you buy in this article look nothing like her tall boots.

Nordstrom

Okay, fine, to the untrained eye (and with reference to the top photo’s non-ideal framing) they are similar shape.

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But this is clearly not the same fit.

I know, this is nit-picking, and I have certainly witnessed more egregious cases of “equestrian-inspired” fashion.

But I had to share. In case you want to read the article yourself…