The Plan

Tomorrow I ride for the first time in a week and a half now. It is so good to be getting back in the saddle, and I now have some more news to look forward to.

Horse show in March!

Hilariously, I do not have any respectable show clothes that I can wear in the divisions I will be riding in. My European-inspired jumper flair is not going to work for Adult Hunters and Equitation. So, the hunt begins for new clothes that won’t make my trainer gag when I step into the ring.

How my current trainer sees my bedazzled KEP helmet…

But this also presents something tangible for us, a goal!

Now all our work will lead up to time in the show ring. Cheers to wearing my tall boots again!

5 Items to Lust Over

As long as there have been horses, there has been shit to buy for yourself and your horses.

It’s an excellent business to be in, because horse people are certifiably crazy, and make questionable financial decisions. Add a bunch of not necessary but cool accessories to the mix, and there is no retirement plan in sight.

I kid but only a little bit.

I say all of this lovingly, as I am very much part of the problem. I love things, I cannot afford things, but that does not keep me from scrolling longingly through pages of SmartPak, Riding Warehouse, Dover, etc.

To fulfill the addiction hobby of online browsing, I have a list of “if I stumble upon a significant sum of money” completely frivolous buys.

Some of them are not even expensive, but I know I do not need them.

Without futher ado, here they are (Santa, you listening?) –

1. Brown Half Chaps and Paddock Boots

A pair of Tredsteps will do. Of course, I have had my current Paddock boots for 10 years now, so I am sure someone will have to rip the Ariats from my cold, dead hands.

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2. Trauma Void EQ3 MIPS Safety Helmet

One of those things you care more about as you age is the safety of your noggin. I would love one in Brown please.

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3. Leather Halter

For a horse I don’t have, but JUST IN CASE.11624_havana_left.jpg

4. Quilted TS Clarino Belt

I pretty much always need a belt (Is this a me-thing? Am I just an oddball size of tremendous butt and small waist?). More important than my caboose is this belt, because it’s on sale.

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5. One of those glove-curries

I look at this product, and I think – why the heck haven’t we, as a community, thought of this sooner? I mean it’s so obvious, but also so much better than using an actual curry. Genius.

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I think my million dollar idea is to market a left-hand for all of us out there trying to strengthen our non-dominant side (she sheepishly suggests).

Okay, these are all in the ballpark of reasonable. So what are you all lusting for, realistic or not? Most un-afforable wins!

 

Oh, you…. Buying “Maty-Kate’s Equestrian Boots”

So I read US Magazine every once in a while (hush, I know it rots my brain). In between the divorce, hookups, and ball gowns, a headline caught my eye.

We Found Equestrian Boots Like Mary-Kate Olsen’s That Have Over 3,000 Reviews

It has this accompanying photo –

Mary-Kate-Olson-Equestrian-Boot
Matt Agudo/INSTARimages.com (as per US Magazine article)

This article is hilarious for a number of reasons.

  1. Even if you aren’t a horse person, the photo of Mary Kate is not exactly the best shot of her tall boots. Like, head on? This will become important later.
  2. “Equestrian boots”. I get it, because you think tennis shoes or hiking boots is a normal phrase. But Equestrian boots feels like how my boss might try to describe “that weird sport I do” while introducing me to a new employee.
  3. The article quotes, “With A-listers like Mary-Kate Olsen flaunting the look, it’s only right we follow suit.” When did Mary-Kate Olsen become the embodiment for all behavior? I love Full House as much as the next person, but I don’t know about this new world order here.
  4. The actual boots that they suggest you buy in this article look nothing like her tall boots.

Nordstrom

Okay, fine, to the untrained eye (and with reference to the top photo’s non-ideal framing) they are similar shape.

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But this is clearly not the same fit.

I know, this is nit-picking, and I have certainly witnessed more egregious cases of “equestrian-inspired” fashion.

But I had to share. In case you want to read the article yourself…